If I were Queen of the World….

Let’s begin.

Decree 1: Stop being pansies
You will use so called ‘recycled’ water, and you will like it. All water is recycled; it was wee and poo, and mushed up carrots, and dead animals, and pieces of tree, it fell from the clouds and flowed in a river;  now it comes from your tap. The clouds usually recycle it, now humans do instead. It has been this way forever and forever it will be!

Shower as long as you like, and grow a beautiful veggie garden. As Dorothea Mckeller wrote ‘I love a sunburnt country.. of droughts and flooding rains.’ There is no water shortage. There is only chronic water mismanagement. Water is not a precious resource or a scarce commodity, look around. We must suck it up and clean up after ourselves, and then we will find we already have plenty.

On Desalination: It is irresponsible to take clean water out of the ocean for our use, only to pump dirty sewage, storm water and industrial waste back in. Eventually this will end in even the water of the ocean being too polluted for us to use, not to mention the fish, whales and dolphins being poisoned.

(As a side note, the two biggest water users (above household, fruit and veg) are the meat and dairy industries. It takes 4000 litres of water to make one glass of milk. Which leads us to…)

Decree 2: Leave the milk for the baby cows
It is time for all people to stand on their own two feet. Every other animal in the animal kingdom stops suckling on their mother when they are weaned by adolescence. Why do you have your mouths on the udder of cows in paddocks?

While hitching in New Zealand, I was informed by a cattle truck driver, that for you to drink milk the mother cow has to have a baby every year. As these cows are bred for milk (not meat), the baby boys are killed within the first week and used to make blood and bone fertiliser. (A small percentage are eaten as a ‘delicacy’ or have their fourth stomach used to make parmesan cheese.) The mothers bellow continuously for their babies, when they are seperated soon after the baby is born. This might make you feel sad, but what will really turn you off is knowing that up to 50% of dairy cows suffer from lameness due to mastitis. (A major cause of this is the mechanical suckers which continue sucking at the delicate front teats after they are emptied.) Mastitis is the inflammation of the mammary gland in the udder, causing it swell and the cow to not be able to walk. The risk of mastitis increases 30% with each baby the cow has. The reason this will turn you off is that infection can cause blood, pus and antibiotic residue to get into the milk- only 40-45% of lame cows are detected.

In answer to your questions ‘But where will we get our calcium’- think again. Where did you get your calcium before someone decided it would benefit them to have you drinking cows milk intended for baby cows? 70% of the worlds population do not consume milk and those people have a low to nil incidence of osteoporosis. Excess animal protein makes the human body highly acidic- the body then leeches calcium from the bones to alkalize the blood. This is the reason the first thing to go when you ‘detox’ is dairy. Replace milk with coconut milk, and for calcium there’s sweet potatoes, leafy greens in stir fry, oranges, strawberries, cucumber, prunes, figs, almonds and tofu.

Decree 3: No Nuclear Power for you.
People have recently become aware of and concerned about climate change and ‘global warming. Population and destruction of native environments is one thing; it is entirely possible this is part of a natural warming and cooling of the planet which occurred for millenia before our little pea selves populated the planet. The funny side effect of this growing concern is people becoming more willing to accept nuclear power as a viable energy alternative. It is not a viable energy alternative. Humans cannot cope with the waste on their hands at the moment: industrial waste, storm water, as well as air pollution which cause acidic rain. Until we are capable of managing household waste AT LEAST, (let alone the cancer from the chemicals we think we know how to use) we are certainly not certified to create a whole heap of waste will we be around for hundreds of years and will deform our babies.

The world is a living, breathing energy mass. We do not need to ‘use’ resources ‘sustainably’ we need to create our own energy from what we already have- air, water, and sun. Please do not tell me about jobs lost or about inadequate technology- the reason that we do not have electric cars or a country covered in quiet efficient wind farms is because there is vested corporate and governmental interest in us not having it. If we farm our vast uranium stores, we become rich. If we refocus our energy on creating wind farms, we have nuclear free water, air and earth.

(As a side note, raising animals for meat produces more emissions than all of the planes, trains and cars combined. )

Decree 4: If we are going to eat meat, we are going to do it as humans, not beasts.
On animals: If you have ever done philosophy 101, you would have learned that the definition of a ‘Person’ cannot be made logically without either including some animals or excluding some humans. Our protection of dogs and cats is based solely on us ‘liking’ them. We are horrified the chinese eat dogs. Pourquoi??

On grace: Consider what it means to eat a deformed, sick, unhappy or unhealthy animal. You gain ‘energy’ from your food. Chickens today are bred to be grown to full size in 4-5 weeks. Their immature skeleton cannot support their unnatural meaty body weight and rather than walk, they take a few steps and plonk down. They are often killed in front of each other. These chickens live without ever standing on grass. Animals such as cows are often killed as long as they are still breathing, even if they are collapsed due to sickness. Folds of skin that attract flies on sheep are cut off with shears and no anesthetic. Actually, the way we treat the animals we eat reminds me of the machines with the rows and rows of humans in the Matrix, in pods being used for energy. Have we no grace??

On health: Weight gain, cancers of the esophagus, liver, colon, and the lungs, hypertension, type 2 diabetes, renal disease, osteoporosis, dementias such as Alzheimer’s Disease, and most importantly cholesterol, blood pressure and heart disease have all been linked to eating meat. It is possible to gain adequate protein and iron in vegetables and grains. The body can synthesise protein from a combination of a seed, legume, grain or a nut.

On the food chain: Douglas Dunn wrote that if one gives a young child an apple and a live chicken, the child would instinctively play with the chicken and eat the apple, whereas if a cat were presented with the same choices, its natural impulse would be the opposite. Scott Adams adds “…a live cow makes a lion salivate, whereas a human just wants to say ‘moo’ and see if the cow responds.”

Decree 5: I now henceforth ban all televisions.

Decree 6: Chickens get maternity leave.
One of the greatest sorrows for a woman can be discovering her own infertility. A woman can sell four of her eggs for $75000 in the US, so prized is the ability to reproduce. In Australia and Europe, this selling of human flesh is illegal. Now Mama chickens are stuck in the cage where they are producing more eggs than they ever naturally would in the wild, and yet they never get to fulfil their natural instincts to build a nest, get ‘clucky’ (as we say of humans) and to have little baby chickens come out of their eggs. We take them all.

Now I have nothing against eating eggs, per se. What is inappropriate is our robbing the animals of any purpose. On speaking to a human about something like work, they will mention how they will get ‘bored’ i.e. become temporarily insane, if they have nothing to do, no reason to get up in the morning. There is no doubt the life of a chicken is much simpler than that of a human, the lucky sods. Some would argue that animals in general only live to survive and reproduce. In which case, the chickens will be allowed time off, at the minimum at least once in their lifetime, to build a nest, scratch around, lay some eggs in a circle, sit on them, have them hatch into babies, teach them how to scratch around, and then get back to work for us making us eggs. Seems fair to me.

Decree 7: Abolition of the dominant human myth
We are not the boss of nature. Nature is the boss of us. All society will function accordingly.

Decree 8: Humans smell good
From now on, people will not be using aluminium deodorants, which due to their carcinogenic nature, are now illegal. Furthermore, it is time to end the myth that we smell bad. As part of ongoing reform, all people will be gradually removing the use of any deodorant at all, for a trail period of six months. In doing this, they will realise that they naturally smell quite nice and what they assumed was their own ‘stink’ was actually the smell of bacteria trapped in their pores as a result of using anti-perspirant deodorant. With daily washing, they will actually smell far more irresistable to the opposite sex. In the event they wish to continue wearing deodorant, natural alternatives such as roll on, salt based and spritz’s will be widely available. Chemical perfumes are now illegal also; as with food, if you know what the ingredients are, then it is legal for you to wear it. The suggested natural perfumes would have aromatherapy benefits for the body and emotions.

Decree 9: You’re only allowed to eat it if you know what it is
On pre-packaged food: If you can pronounce every word on the ingredients list, then you can eat it. (The shorter the list the better). This means that two minute noodles in their current form are now illegal. For those of you who are Mi Goreng lovers, I can hear your cries of pain and outrage. Never fear. Meetings will be conducted with the Mi Goreng company to rework their product into something that your body will love and yet remains as delicious as always.

Decree 10: Educate me!
Radical education reforms, to teach people actually need to know.

* How to cook, how to eat.
* Yoga & meditation
* Natural fertility

Decree 11: Parents are Grand

Our bodies are primed physiologically at 16 to make healthy, whole babies. But at this age, we have not yet walked far enough to have wisdom to impart for our children. We are making the mistakes. Our parents, however, are done making mistakes. They have chased their dreams. Now, they are settled, with something to give. Hopefully, age has bought them patience. Increasingly in our society the elders have been pushed aside and deemed as a nuisance, left useless once economically not viable as workers. Children love stories. and old people love to tell stories.

The ‘not enough places in day care centres’, the falling population rate, the contraception problem. The abortion debates… Whenever we start having sex, why can’t we make healthy happy bundles of joy?

(Sub-Clause- In the best interests of the women inhabitants, as well as the future of the civilisation, all men will now be separated from their mothers and partners at 18 years of age for a mandatory period of 12 months, during which they will learn to care for themselves and to inhabit their masculinity.)

Pending decrees: relate to god, women, pain, medicine, fluoridation, intellectual rights, capitalism, and the ego.

Yours sincerely,
Her Majesty Queen Angela.

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